The Fundies by Olly Postanin & Jacob Ardown

Author:Olly Postanin & Jacob Ardown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Canada
Published: 2019-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

CAPPY

Captains are the most important people on the ice. As a cappy, you have the power to do pretty much anything you want. If you wanna toss down the finger pillows and start throwing bones, do it. When you’re tired and wanna sit a few minutes in the sin bin, maybe wheel the rocket scorekeeper. It’s your ice, your team.

Cappy is the biggest beaut on the ice, the one all the scouties will be watching. This is why you wanna wear the C, boys. For us, the roles of a cappy are pretty simple. First, complain to the ice piggy on every call against the boys, even if it’s a clear penalty or you didn’t even see the call. When rippin’ on the ref, you wanna be aggressive and loud. Let him know you aren’t happy–maybe even break a stick and toss it in his direction. This will make the ref think twice next time before pumping air into a whistle.

Another trick to get back at the ref if he’s still handing out PIMs is to skate as fast as you can into the corner that he’s in and blow a tire. Fall into him or lay him out–just do whatever you can to crash into him. After you get up, start yelling at him as if it’s his fault that he got in the way.

For some reason, sometimes the refs don’t appreciate you yelling at them, but how else are they to know they’re making bad calls? Refs may give you a penalty for chirping them, but it’s part of the game, boys. Now, you gotta start chirping even more. This could send you to the dressing room with a ten-minute major and a game misconduct, so be careful. You only want the misconduct if you’re losing, boys. You know the golden rule: if you’re down in the game, you wanna get out as fast as you can, so it’s not your fault.

Just as crucial, boys, the cappy is the one in the room who has control of the music. When picking pre-game notes, you wanna play one song over and over ’til game time. “Thunderstruck” is a pretty greasy pre-game tune, and the louder the better. This will really fire up the boys!

A lot of people think the cappy has got to make speeches, but generally you wanna let the As handle this, boys–mainly because you need to save your energy and voice for chirping the ref and the other team. But if it’s a big game, then you want to be the one talking. Let the boys know what you want and how you want it. Tell ’em who’s going where and when. Also, if you’re not happy with the coach’s line-up, go ahead and change that up how you like it.

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